The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer [2h]
• Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual [4h]
• ‘No Bars Can Hold Me,’ Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour Of Trying To Pry Open Cell [4h]
• Never-Ending Pasta Pass Returns To Olive Garden [5h]
• Study Finds There Aren’t Enough Occasions Where You Get To Eat Rolls [8h]
• Bat Dog Clearly Pregnant [8h]
• Parents Sit Kids Down For Difficult Discussion About Moving To Ad Tier [8h]
• Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland [8h]
• Political Profile: Todd Blanche [8h]