The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Breaking: Salute The General! [17d]
• Nation Turns 250 Despite Presence Of Irish [17d]
• Patriot Tears Up While Pretending Washington Monument Is His Penis [17d]
• Historians Theorize Declaration Of Independence Started As ‘Twilight’ Fan Fiction [17d]
• Original 13 States Renew Declaration Of Independence In Beachfront Ceremony [17d]
• A Declaration Of Independence From The Rest Of The World [17d]
• Founding Fathers Smile Down On America From Outer Space [17d]
• Andy Reid Approaches Floor For Traditional Coach-Tight End Wedding Dance [18d]
• ‘Babe, You Shrunk!’ Says Panicked Travis Kelce To Mini Bride On Wedding Cake [18d]