The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• ‘The Bear’ Ends With Continuous 45-Minute Shot Of Carmy Screaming While Stirring Tomato Sauce [25d]
• Prize Hog Drops Out Of Great American State Fair Due To Event’s Political Nature [25d]
• German World Cup Fan Can’t Believe How Different Real U.S. Is From Depiction In Pixar’s ‘Cars’ [25d]
• DC Fans Claim Dog From ‘Supergirl’ Not Even Hot [25d]
• All Mets Fan Asking For Is One Fucking Season Where Team Wins Every Single Game [25d]
• World’s Oldest Soccer Ball On Display In Miami [26d]
• Boy Quietly Turns All Toys Toward Wall After Watching ‘Toy Story’ For First Time [26d]
• A Sneak Peek At Taylor Swift’s Wedding [26d]
• Study: Mosquitos More Attracted To People Branded With Mosquito God’s Rune Of Punishment [26d]
• Travis Kelce Utters 2 Syllables Of Wedding Venue Name Before Tranq Dart Strikes Neck [26d]
• Political Profile: Ken Paxton [26d]
• Eric Adams Among Lineup Of Children Escorting Turkey Players Onto Pitch [26d]