The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• FBI Claims Gavel, Black Gowns Prove Ties To MS-13 Gang [5d]
• ICE Agents Wait At Edge Of Delivery Table To Deport Newborn [5d]
• Catty Cardinal Can’t Wait To See Who Got Fat Since Last Conclave [5d]
• Trump Threatens To Defund Beauty Schools That Don’t Comply With MAGA Standards [5d]
• ‘My Work Doesn’t Define Me,’ Says Man Who Will Spend 90,000 Hours Of Lifetime At Office [5d]