The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• U.K. Bans Ninja Swords [4d]
• Marines Raise American Flag Outside Cell Phone Store After Defeating Skateboarding Teenagers [4d]
• ICE Vows To Restore Order Using Whatever Force Unnecessary [4d]
• The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Dakota Johnson [4d]
• There’s No Such Thing As A Free Piggyback Ride [5d]
• Shell-Shocked Soldier Ant Has Thousand-Inch Stare [5d]
• Emma Harter and Brendan Welter [5d]
• Feud Poisoning [5d]
• Study: More Single Millennials Settling For Parrot Who Can Dial 911 [5d]