The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Hollywood Actors Threaten To Disfigure Their Gorgeous Faces If Contract Not Reached [1104d]
• Secret Service Closes White House Cocaine Probe Without Suspect [1104d]
• Disney Cracks Down On Copyright Infringement For People Picturing Mickey Mouse While Masturbating [1104d]
• Study: More Americans Moving To Sun Belt To Get Head Start On Living In Scorched Hellscape [1104d]
• Studios Say Actors Overreacting To Proposal To Have Limbs Manipulated By Cords Hooked Through Flesh [1104d]